Human existence is merely a series of biological addictions. We have needs for survival. We desire survival because it is our instinct, hard-wired. Then we also have desires that occur purely as a result of chemical rewards & punishments that are also hard-wired into us. Sexuality, for example. Ultimately we form behaviors for two reasons - so we can "Feel More Good" or so we can "Feel Less Bad."
What would life even be without all this?
We live as slaves to these needs, forming a belief system about our world that is shaped by the various chemical rewards and punishments related to the fulfillment of these instincts.
Significantly enough, human beings somehow find ways to attach value to these occurrences of chemical rewards & punishments-- we form infinite ways to re-describe and recreate our experiences through symbolic language, and we build ourselves what we call identity in the process. I do not see the point of this. All it does is make up false value for these hard-wired impulses. Empty expression. As significant as the noise of the freeway I can hear from my dwelling- a great metaphor as a matter of fact, since this noise is merely being generated by the existence of a large number of entities operating as designed. It is the simple result of the nature of the entity. The identity is like a brand.. fabricated for the purpose of promoting the self towards the end of some beneficial transaction (for example mating).
Everyone wishes to understand the meaning of life. The fact is that it really has no meaning. We are experiencing the result of a brutal evolution process that has refined these instincts into their current state.
Non-existence of the self is a difficult concept for most. For me, it is the only thing that makes any sense. There is no me. There is only the prison of my physical needs and my biological addictions, forcing me to form behaviors. There is no end to it. Every single day is defined by these compulsions.
Right and wrong start to lose their definitions. I start to wonder why I care so much. The significance of the end, death as we know it, is colossal. An incomprehensible occurrence, total destruction of one's own self. Complete and final termination of existence-- the impact of such an event is so great that it seems most humans just avoid the thought completely, while some try to make up false identities that somehow avoid this termination of existence through the acquisition of some form of afterlife.
Considering all of this it follows very very easily that I prefer to escape and forget myself through things like film, computer game, and other art. Self-expression? These are in fact not expressions of "me." These are expressions of... non-me. Art is freedom. The destruction of the illusion of self.
Many people seem to squabble a lot about creativity & originality. The problem is this concept of ownership. People are so attached to their made-up identity that they feel they own. You have to step away from this fabricated ownership trait to understand the what originality means.
Great creativity is part inspiration and part experimentation. These are wholly separate from influence. Again, "my own" creation is meaningless, this is simple once one truly considers the nature of what one really is, and sees that the identity concept is a complete fabrication that helps us defend psychologically against the inevitability of our own demise.
When I listen to or create art, what I feel I am doing is engaging in escapism. The foolish illusion that what I'm doing is somehow disconnected from the driving forces of my biology and that I'm somehow doing something with more value than the constant addiction to survival & sex that governs every single day & never quits is pretty exciting... but in the end it is false.
It doesn't stop me from continuing to experiment and try to transfer my inspirations I can hear "in my mind" into a physical production I can "own" and perhaps share, for the simple fact that when I do succeed, it seems to feel good. I can combine sounds in such a way that it gives me a rush, pure feeling, something I KNOW comes from my biology, but nevertheless I still enjoy experiencing.
This is probably as close as I can get to achieving value, considering the nature of what I am. It just makes sense to me. Words rarely measure up. Music however provides tangible biological feedback. The perfect drug, in a way. In music I feel I no longer need to rely on this empty identity. It frees me from the need to possess my "self."
Other art seems to have the same effect, whether it is storytelling of any form--films, books, interactive games, pornography (yes this is storytelling, probably the type with the most profound biological impact)-- images of all kinds imagined or photographed (which really are just an encapsulated moment of storytelling except for the completely abstract designs), even culinary art. There are some who believe in a philosophy of hedonism, where they feel there is nothing wrong with constant indulgence to engage these hard-wired instincts towards chemical reward.
It seems to me there really is nothing wrong with that, as long as it helps you face what you are: a creature enslaved to chemicals, and ultimately destined for complete and total obliteration.
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