there is no me, and there is no you either

imagine life as a plant or a micro organism. no senses, no choice, just riding the rails of chemical calculation, instinct the only thing you know. you know what feels good, you know what hurts, you just don't know why. your life is a series of calculations. It's essentially just a bunch of running programs. Linear functions with fixed responses to fixed sets of stimuli. Humans are essentially born this way, then slowly develop object permanance and the ability to make decisions BASED on incoming stimuli.

Still, follow all the facets of biological existence through to their natural conclusions, you still find death & decay the ultimate destiny. Free will or no free will, rot awaits us. Nothingness awaits us. Pure, unadulterated anti-existence awaits us.

So what is the purpose of free will? It seems that humanity collectively somehow saw the need to observe itself and have the option to OVERRIDE instinct, to sense the bigger picture and gain the element of choice in its existence. To go from a calculations with only a single variable to an infinity of variables which require evaluation and condition checking to determine ultimate action.

And still, our actions and thoughts only amount to single strands of calculation at a time.. somehow the neurons fire, unaware of each other, and we achieve consciousness. there is no such thing as multitasking. we obtain the illusion of sentience by calculating so fast that we feel we are participating in the process of existence in some critically special fashion. EGO--- we then invent the illusion, the lie of immortality. we think our choices can outsmart biology and defeat death itself.


What is the possible benefit of this? How did we go from the need to override instinct to the need to have a vital self. It seems evolution is turning itself around on this one. Humanity is now de-evolving thanks to the importance of individual identity. We accept lives of utter complacency. Unnatural, absurdly disconnected routines define daily life for most of humanity. Selling our existences off for literally nothing. Just wasting away in our passion-less squalor of assembly-line survival.

My own personal "Self" developed in a rather odd fashion. The best definition of myself that I could ever accept, was the question: "Because I exist now, how did I ever not exist like this [before]?"


The reason that our ego has become such a destructive force is that we fail to see that this world is what it is, and that this current life is probably all you get. Futility.. nihilism starts looking attractive. I did not ask for existence. But it is the prison cell I seem to have been given.


Pull back and look at the long view. Human history. Not a pretty picture. yet somehow, humanity continues to stumble upon certain values, common ideas driving innovation and development of societies. Are there ways to live that are better than others? yes. We didn't evolve alone. somehow, as a collective species, we decided that having some form of override, and further some form of communicating our decisions, would benefit us on the whole.

Now, it creates false wants. it has commercialized and divided us as a species. It drives us away from the very insticts we have honed over the course of this brutal and bloody evolution process. What can you do? You can't unplug. There are psychonauts out there who believe in transcendental ego death, but to me thats all stilll really unnatural. Humans were never meant to disconnect inward on a permanent basis, though we do have dreaming built into us I believe that's as far as it goes, for brain health.

Step back a paragraph.

We didn't evolve alone.

We somehow figured out that collaborating paired with decision making would better our species.

We decided to become social. In essence to replicate the process going on inside our minds into the process of comparing what we've each perceived, then using that as further basis for our actions.

As a human being, one is part of a big whole, and we don't want to see it. We can't fucking see it. We have created an almighty false self that blinds us to the reality of the necessity of our cooperation for survival. And as a result, we are killing our own fucking stupid selves off in a massive way.

The individual self is the definition of evil. The collective self is the definition of truth.
The consciousness of a single calculation lives and dies in a single instant.

The only consciousness that actually exists is through this collectivism. i truly feel i have no self. i've almost obtained a "constant ego death" state. every part of my being seems to be a stream of disconnected calculation strands I have to decipher, then choose how to respond.

Many "selves" then, observing each other together, then choosing action, is the definition of real consciousness. The idea of a single point, versus a plot of vast endless numbers of points defining a line, a plane, or a space, or a section of a specific space. it gains dimension as you add more observation points. One detail tells you virtually nothing. you need many stimuli to properly perceive.

The only way humanity can evolve is by re-embracing this. Collective perception and collective decisions & action. Assembly line existence leads to the ultimate and final death of the entire human race. Cooperation will lead to the establishment of an ultimate human nirvana, a collective, ongoing consciousness where anything is possible.