"atheist theist" slash "the ultimate human soul" rambling

Asserting that i don't even know what i do know: the idea you can "prove" something is really just an assumption.

i believe in the soul. the most supernatural being that i believe is POSSIBLE to exist would be post-human entities. entities that do possess soul whereas we currently do not.

science should inevitably give "birth" to post human consciousness... existence outside the confines of physical, perishable vessels. to me, that's god. that is the definition of omnipotence.

follow the path of evolution from the non-existence of life to its logical highest level of "power". we haven't yet reached the level of survival. we aren't fit enough yet. we must lay down our existences in support of this evolutionary lifecycle toward such an end goal. it is therefore unethical to not pass along consciousness to new offspring, tiny progress toward the goal of ultimate fitness.

the collective soul of our race is in the outcome of this post-biological existence mode. each generation of the species becomes acquainted to a certain degree with the experience of those to come before. for older history we're really making guesses. we don't have a lot of documentation from them to work from. in our current time we have the new ability to document our existence in a more thorough way via literal capturings of what we see and hear. the problem is that these are encoded in a very digital language that requires very specific equipment to decode. but so does symbolic language like writing and speech. this one is just much more complex and intricate.. layered with fractalia of various language to arrive at the visual/auditory reproductions.

why I'm a post-theist

I believe that morality is the idea we've learned throughout evolutionary history that how well one can do depends on how well one's neighbor does. We bond with each other and organize our societies socially and cooperatively.

I'm not an agnostic with a question mark over my head. the mindset is referred to as skepticism, the avoidance of mystical beliefs in ideas that don't have large factual basis.

I live by a code of recognition that we know almost nothing. what we do know paints a picture of the history of the universe that makes sense, but it's a furious and coldly just universe. In this view of existence, the fact that we exist as we do is viewed as both the unlikely but also inevitable (1 out of biliion billions), cosmically. A certain kind of gift, but one far too powerful to be harnessed by conscious entities.

My pragmatic issue with theism is the abstaction of love, the projection of these very humanized traits to the abstract, philosophical permanent soul & soul parent concepts.

That was especially confusing to me as a child. I figured out santa didn't exist pretty quick also. I was very mad for being misled. This is one of my most vivid childhood memories.. confronting my mother about that.

Outside the philosophical points that can really go any way you feel, I just can't take any of the other beliefs and practices of religion seriously. Here's why: it's not how I would live after a shift to belief in permanent soul. My definition of morality remains the same.

My goal as a parent is to keep it uncomplicated, and give my child permission to be who they want to be. That's all I feel I'm capable of- at least I hope I am.

I want my child to have all the building blocks of real human trust & compassion, the real components necessary for strong morality. I don't want to place the ideas in their head that there may/may not be permanent soul, afterlife, or any other philosophical idea.

The idea that one should believe these things through faith in unseen entities, and have love for this conceptualization of a soul parent being and related afterlife is odd to me.

I want them to make the choice of how to think about life & existence when they are ready. I don't want them to have to make a commitment at 8 years old. This is what I believe in... simple free thinking.

a father's pact

On my first father's day, I have assembled my feelings, my love, and my courage.
I offer this pact as a commitment, contract, and implementation of my will to live and love.

To my child:

A gift I often feel I can never deserve. One that should be treasured. It would be unethical for me not to share such a special kind of gift.

I give to you consciousness.

With what's left of my life, I hope to learn from you.
Who I am will be nurtured and re-shaped by your choices, enthusiasms, interests, and dreams.
I promise to always support the direction you want to go.

I will not be absent from your life.
I will not withhold love and approval that you deserve.
I will not allow anything to be more important to me than your life and happiness.
I will not require of you any standard but simple self-respect and acceptance of me.

Should it ever be required, I will not deny you forgiveness of any error or damage.


I will lay down my life for yours.

alternatives to mortal existence

consider:

would one have chosen an "immortal" yet "passive" existence vessel over "mortal" and "active" one?

with the terms passive and active we are referring to communication.

by existence, we mean capable of all sensory experience.

a solitary, completely disconnected existence that doesn't have to hit finite beginning and end points- what would be the purpose of that? it seems to me the only manifestion of such that makes sense would be like "inhabiting" someone else but strictly as an observer. this inhabitance would then move on to someone new, perhaps with the option to switch at will. perhaps without the ability to observe dreams, such that we would switch when the inhabited entity entered dreamstate.

then, what is the purpose of a finite existence in which we form bonds with others who also share this finite-ness?

to be the performers for the "infinite" entities to observe?

this is a bit like asking the purpose of players in a film vs the purpose of the audience.

the two seem equally necessary for either of them to have purpose.

Peeled back all the layers of self-oblivion to find my personality

Prior to now, I'd reached a happiness-like state of self-acceptance, and arrived at the awesome question of "now what?" The problem is, that self I'd accepted was just a blank void. A sum of all the fragmented confusions over what existence is for such a self.

What I never considered, till the last couple of weeks-

It's very, very, very, very, very possible to be something you have no idea of, never connecting the pieces of the picture of the self. Utterly rejecting that self in every way just because you don't know of another way to live and there's no one to help you find your way.

That me was defined by every impossibility. An exoskeleton, cultivated and strengthened through the years of my grasping and desiring for purpose.

Prior, in childhood, soul exposed in the open, nothing to shield it from the expectations of human society. Burned and wounded by those who saw fit to prey upon my naivety. Ravaged further by those who were simply unable to pay attention and provide me with guidance and severely needed repair, at times.

And so, that soul became buried inside this ever-thickening shield. Emotions forgotten with no outlet of expression, slipped away without means of growth or evolution. Withered, but not dead and gone...

My identity is not a blank personless creature. My identity is alive and breathing... made of extraordinary capabilities and unique weaknesses.

I am no longer an unknown entity. I actually never was.

I am simply wired differently. My way of thinking is evolved beyond the neurotypical average. As a result, I struggle to interact socially, feel the full spectrum of emotion, or know how to express the emotional energy I possess. I am unable to read or repair emotion intuitively. I do not follow the rhythms of social exchange, the pulse of human interaction eludes me.

As a result, I've lived in a way that left the true person I am engulfed in shadow, unable to assert itself fully. Entrenched in my interests of choice, developing myself in an inexplicable, unknown manner.

That self inside emerges now. In rebellion of every force that has ever suppressed or abused me. Desperate for life, regrowth, and deeper love.