A Letter To My Father

Dad,

This is your last chance. I have tried and tried, but we do not have a relationship that is tangible.

You have a choice--- the choice to say to yourself --- "something in my life is not how I want it to be. I can make a change. I can obtain that which I have never obtained before. I can build a meaningful relationship that transcends all the challenges of the past and just leaves them behind. I can create a positive situation out of past negative outcomes."

I never wanted an indefinite rehash of the mistakes of the past. They mean nothing. I thought I could come to you at a level of maturity that would facilitate the building of a real relationship, but YOU have to make the choice to create positive interactions and be a force for encouragement, not defeat, in my life. How can I inspire you to this? I cannot make this choice for you.


I have zero memories of any interaction between you and my mother that would shape my current situation in any fashion. I have literally made myself, with zero guidance. No respected role model, no ideal situation. I've blazed my own trail. I am happy.

I am sending you this communication in the hopes that my example can inspire you to make this decision for yourself to move back into the positive.... To create something that will be of deep value, before your time on this world is up. My one fear is that you will be gone from my life forever and I will still have nothing to show at all, except the regret that love never existed between myself and my blood father.

The one "social link" on which one is supposed to be able to depend-- the parent to the offspring. The relationship which is supposed to define trust & unconditional love. You have the chance to recover this, and gain the respect and loyalty of at least one of your sons. You just need to make the choice.

When I submitted my request for my name to be removed from the LDS church records, it included the request that I not be contacted again by anyone affiliated with the organization ever again. My hope is that this does not have to keep you out of my life.

I have the fear that your life lacks any form of deep, immovable meaning. I want to offer you, from my perspective, the opportunity I feel exists to obtain this. Every day I suffer because of this void, this hole in my soul that would normally harbor the unbreakable dedication to an unconditionally accepting parent. The reality is, my chance at that died with my mother when I was 10 years old. Please recognize this, and commit to facilitating a change.

But I am also strong enough that I will be able to persevere even if you do not make this choice. I simply urge you in the most heavy way possible to take action, now. Take control. Do not let life pass you by with this opportunity unfulfilled. I do not want that level of tragedy to be embedded into my remaining years, and I am confident that you should not either.


Please consider my words,

Ian