Peeled back all the layers of self-oblivion to find my personality

Prior to now, I'd reached a happiness-like state of self-acceptance, and arrived at the awesome question of "now what?" The problem is, that self I'd accepted was just a blank void. A sum of all the fragmented confusions over what existence is for such a self.

What I never considered, till the last couple of weeks-

It's very, very, very, very, very possible to be something you have no idea of, never connecting the pieces of the picture of the self. Utterly rejecting that self in every way just because you don't know of another way to live and there's no one to help you find your way.

That me was defined by every impossibility. An exoskeleton, cultivated and strengthened through the years of my grasping and desiring for purpose.

Prior, in childhood, soul exposed in the open, nothing to shield it from the expectations of human society. Burned and wounded by those who saw fit to prey upon my naivety. Ravaged further by those who were simply unable to pay attention and provide me with guidance and severely needed repair, at times.

And so, that soul became buried inside this ever-thickening shield. Emotions forgotten with no outlet of expression, slipped away without means of growth or evolution. Withered, but not dead and gone...

My identity is not a blank personless creature. My identity is alive and breathing... made of extraordinary capabilities and unique weaknesses.

I am no longer an unknown entity. I actually never was.

I am simply wired differently. My way of thinking is evolved beyond the neurotypical average. As a result, I struggle to interact socially, feel the full spectrum of emotion, or know how to express the emotional energy I possess. I am unable to read or repair emotion intuitively. I do not follow the rhythms of social exchange, the pulse of human interaction eludes me.

As a result, I've lived in a way that left the true person I am engulfed in shadow, unable to assert itself fully. Entrenched in my interests of choice, developing myself in an inexplicable, unknown manner.

That self inside emerges now. In rebellion of every force that has ever suppressed or abused me. Desperate for life, regrowth, and deeper love.